Ask The Characters: Super Paper Mario
by Giovanna Farina
Summary: Because you've always wanted to know SOMETHING about them. Please, do come make an inquiry. OPEN TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC AS OF NOW. Rating subject to change. Super Paper Mario characters only.
1. INTRODUCTION AND RULES

Alrighty people. Here's the low-down.

You familiar with Super Paper Mario? Of course you are. And because it's such an amazing game you no doubt want to know more about it.

That's where I come in.

That's right, folks. I'm inviting you to take part in Ask the Characters, round 1: SPM!

Write a letter to any (seriously ANY) SPM character and send it to me. You'll get a response from the character you wrote to in the form of a chapter in this "story".

Here's the rules:

-- You can be silly but only to a point. This is for actual practice for me. So feel free to throw curveballs at me as I love a challenge but please no spam. :/ This is what I consider acceptable:

"Dear Mimi: What is your favorite Pokémon?"

"Dear Cragnon 56: DO YOU GO COMMANDO?"

"Dear Tippi: Given the choice to marry Bleck or eat all the chocolate you could ever want, which would you pick?"

So yeah. You get the idea.

-- Submit as many letters as you want, as long as they're not spam.

-- Be as inappropriate as you like, within FF boundaries of course. But no guarantees the characters will like you very much, lol. :P

CAPISCE? GOOD. To write a letter just send me a PM here on FF.

CIAO!~


	2. First Set of Questions

_To Peach_

_What is your umbrella MADE of? Seriously, if I tried to block a rock with any of my umbrellas, I'd be rewarded with a knot on my head!_

_~Jacob _

My dearest Jacob,

I'm so flattered you're impressed with my... Well, rock-blocking. I'm sure with confidence and a little training you'd be just as proficient!

The "secret" mostly lies in the fact that my umbrella is actually a parasol! No, I'm just joking with you. Actually, Toadsworth himself oversaw its crafting when I was only a baby. It is specially designed to protect me. The material from which it was made is woven from the fibre of plants indigenous to and specially ordered from a land that's so distant and dangerous that even I have never been there. Just think, though... Someday, when I manage to go there, I'll get to meet the person who made me my lovely parasol and thank them, because they've saved my life so many times!

Thank you for your question!

Hugs & Kisses,

Princess Peach Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom

---

_Dear Tiptron:_

_What's up with you? You HONESTLY think you're Tippi? Ok then, tell me this:_

_HAS IT EVER OCCURED TO YOU THAT YOU ARE A ROBOT? 'CAUSE YOU ARE! I'm not_

_gonna beat the game if I get it because I wanna keep Tippi, and I don't like_

_you as much for some reason. I DO have to give you credit though, you DO act_

_a lot like Tippi and have an extremely similar personality. Let the records_

_show that I prefer Tippi, but you're ok to. Please don't hate me too much,_

_ok? And if you see Tippi (somehow) could you say "Hi" for me? And just to_

_show no hard feelings, *gives Tiptron a cookie. A metal one. Unless it_

_(she?) can eat regular ones*_

_From Cyndaquil255_

Dear Cyndaquil255,

I'm... I'm very sorry, but I'm confused... Can you please be mor

Dear Cyndaquil255,

Greetings to you and many thanks for your question. This is Merlon, taking over for Tiptron. She was unable to respond to your question for personal reasons so I shall say for her what her little robot heart would have never been able to express.

Tippi... Or Lady Timpani, I guess I should say... Was a good friend to many people, including myself. Indeed, she was like a daughter to me. I remember well the day I found her in her human form. She was caked in mud though there was no mud to be found... I suspect she had cried so much her whole body became wet and attracted the dirt through which she was stumbling.

I understand your pain of losing a friend like her. I believe if Tiptron could understand this pain she would feel the same. But I encourage you, young one, to look on the bright side of the situation: our dear Lady Timpani has no doubt found the place of love she and her lover Lord Blumiere sought so fervently while on this world. As her dear friends we should be happy for her, rather than be selfish and sad that she is no longer with us, don't you agree?

As a conclusion to this letter I encourage you to embrace our new friend Tiptron for what she is. True, she is not our Lady Timpani. But if you were to ask me, she is the closest we will come to getting our lovely lady back. Besides, she tries so hard. It's rather endearing, is it not?

-Merlon-

PS: I shall see to it personally that the cookies arrive safely to Tiptron.

---

_Dear Dimentio_

_What's your relationship with Luigi? 8D_

_From a member who refers to herself as May - Princess of Hoenn_

Dear May - Princess of Hoenn...

Lu... Luigi...? OH. You must, of course, be referring to our dear Mr. L, a.k.a. The Green Thunder... Or whatever it is he likes to call himself.

No doubt you, as a presumed fangirl, would like to hear that Mr. L and I "banged all night long" and then have me go into graphic details about our "encounter". However, like the friend you made in third grade that dumped you in sixth grade for not being cool enough, I will have to disappoint you. I apologize in advance for this.

My "relationship" with Mr. L, if you must call it that, is one of unwilling servant and disdainful master at times. At other times it is one of pretended friendship, at least on my part.

I hope this answers your question.

Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of Crowds,

Dimentio

---

_Dear Luigi,_

_We all know you are the lesser brother, living in Mario's shadow almost all_

_your life. But, Mario is the most whipped man known to existence, always_

_saving that dumb blonde every waking moment of his pitiful existence. When you_

_live in the shadow of THAT, you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself,_

_"Where did my life go so wrong?"_

_That is my question to you Luigi, where did everything go so wrong in your_

_life that you act as housemaid to an obese plumber with no backbone?_

_From Wimpzilla_

Dear Wimpzilla,

Whoa, hey hey, hang on a minute now! Those are fighting words, brother! Peach is only blonde sometimes! And, I mean, sure, he's whipped (don't tell him I said that) but she is cute, right? Erm... Don't tell him I said that either. Or Peach, for that matter!

Also... I'm no housemaid! I just like to cook and clean, that's all! ...I don't like being in any shadow, I admit it. But since I have to be in a shadow, there's no better shadow to be in than my older brother's!

But I have to say things aren't as bad you make them out to be! Keep things positive, you know?

Your friend,

Luigi

---

_Dear Goomba,_

_Why did you participate in this game's making? Surely you would be one of the weakest enemies in the game! Did you have no choice, as in Bowser forcing you into the midst of battle, or did you sign some contract?_

_From Anonymous Contributor_

Dear Anonymous Contributor,

Okay, please please PLEASE don't tell King Bowser about this.

But I'll be honest with you, as you're clearly my biggest fan. 3

But this job is not only easy but it pays great! I don't mind being considered weak since it's putting my kids through college and is pretty low-stress, compared to some jobs, you know?

Take King Bowser himself for instance. Not to sound selfish or anything but all I have to do is sit back and watch him fight, maybe let myself get beat up a little from time to time.

I figure I'll work my way up as I get stronger anyway. I've been working out. Unlike some royalty I know.

Thanks for caring! I think...

--Goomba

---

Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of questions in this series. Thanks for the questions, folks. Please keep them coming in, and remember, as many questions as you like. I've already got another chapter started but you'll have to wait to see those questions and answers.

If you asked a question and would like to reply to your response, please make reference to your original question in your response. Thank you.

If you liked this, or if you didn't like it, please do leave me a review with some tips.


	3. Second Set of Questions

_Dear Dimentio,_

_What is your favorite Pokémon?_

_Signed, Kuro_

Dear Kuro,

Interesting question! Seeing as I have my own "fighting pet", as it were, Pokémon is not something I feel the need to participate in. However, if I had to make a choice I would likely choose Giratina (for reasons I should think would be obvious) or "Missingno" (for its chaos and mystery).

Grazissimo for the question.

Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of Crowds,

Dimentio

---

_Dear Merlon:_

_First off, let me thank you for answering my question to Tiptron, and for_

_making sure the cookies arrived safely to her. And yes, she does try hard, I_

_was just making a point that she tries SO hard, it almost seems like Francis_

_got ahold of Tippi's memory somehow. Now, for your question, how did you get_

_the Pure Heart that you gave to Mario? Did you just find it on the ground or_

_something?_

_Cyndaquil255_

_P.S. - If Tiptron thinks my last letter was rude, could you please tell her_

_that I'm sorry?_

Dear Cyndaquil255,

Ah, an excellent question! The Pure Heart, you see, has been passed down my family for generations, much like any other heirloom. It had a certain amount of sentimental value to me and parting with it was a little emotional, so I was glad to see I did not give up one of my most prized possessions for, well, nothing.

Also, I assure you, Tiptron did not find your last letter to be rude and there are absolutely no hard feelings. You must bear in mind, however, her little memory capacitator or whatever you kids call those things can only handle so much new information at once... and she also really does believe she's Tippi. Imagine if someone came up to you and informed you that you're not who or what you think you are... you'd be a little confused, I should think! But that is all. She is not hurt, just puzzled. Thank you for caring about her, I'm sure she'll be flattered when I tell her.

-Merlon-

---

_Dear loyal customer, Thank you for purchasing from Amadong. Your purchase will arrive in approx. 7 days. _

_--------------------------- _

_Purchase: Samdung AS52b1ah 302-Inch 666p FGY LOLTV by BigArseTv Inc. Price: $900.0 Tax: $0.95 Shipping: $7.00 Descripton: OHMAHGAWDITSOVER9000LOLTHISISYOUBYTHEWAYBWAHAHAHAAAH We are not responsible for any deaths using this, so stop complaining about your baby and buy a new TV._

_---------------------------_

_Thank you for shopping at Amadong, much better than . ... That wasn't an insult, that's literally what they named it._

Dear "Amadong",

Nerr herr herr... I know who you reeeeally are! You're those jealous nubs from ! And you think you can throw me off by sending me a receipt of something I didn't even buy! You're just jealous of the schweeeet pics I put up of my beautiful Francine...

Well, you don't even phase me! So HA! I laugh at your pathetic dweebiness!

Go get your own high-technicaaaaaaal butterfly!

Francis teh 1337

---

_Dear Bowser,_

_Where the heck were your trusted Magikoopas during all this? Was that Kamek_

_standing next to you when you were preparing to move out at the beginning of_

_the game? And what happened to Kammy? "Paper Mario" titles are all she's got!_

_From Walkazo_

Hey Walkazo!

You know what? You're absolutely, 100% and completely right!! Where was that hag when I needed her?!

.......

Oh yeah. Actually, I just remembered something. I sent her to babysit Junior. GRAAAH HA HA HA. Well, you know somethin'? It's probably just as well. She'd have only gotten in the way of my awesomeness!

Yeah, that was totally Kamek. He's been pulling that whole "I'm gettin' oooooold, King Bowser" thing lately, though... I swear, he's worse than Kammy.

As for the Magikoopas, they were all hiding out in the blasted Pit under the city the whole game. Who needs the wusses anyway.

Your awesome royal friend,

King Bowser

---

_Dear Dimentio,_

_Oh, how wrong you are. I distanced myself during those years. And no, I was_

_not referring to Mr. L...I was referring to the Luigi you spent an unusual_

_amount of time with in your dimension...Although the fact that you did not_

_deny the fling with Mr. L occurring is intriguing...So, what exactly DID you_

_do with the red plumber's brother?_

_I know your secret, _

_May_

Dear May...

Ah ha ha ha, well, I'm denying it now, are you quite pleased?

Perhaps you are as unaware as the Green Thunder himself that "Mr. L" and "Luigi" are one and the same! To answer your question, I knocked the poor man out. And that is simply all I did. I did not take advantage of his incapacitated state either. I say this because I'm sure that would have been your next question.

Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of Crowds,

Dimentio

PS: Ah ha ha ha... You know my secret, now, do you? Please don't say you've found out about my fascination with clownfish. :]


	4. Third Set of Questions

**A/N: To lzxaozx01 (would have messaged a response but you were anonymous): I'm sorry, but this is ONLY for Super Paper Mario characters and Fawful doesn't appear in Super Paper Mario. Otherwise your question would be featured among these. But if you have a question for a character that appears in Super Paper Mario please do send it in! :)**

_Dear Dimentio,_

_What's it like messing with dimentions and teleporting around like that? I imagine those boxes must feel awfully cramped. Furthermore...why a jester, if I may ask?_

_--Kurai_

Dear Kurai,

Ah ha ha ha... on the contrary, I find it to be EXTREMELY freeing. Am I correct in assuming you have heard of astral projection? Well, what I do is extremely similar. I can go places... I can CREATE places... you've never heard of, nor imagined in your wildest dreams, with the snap of a finger! Things that would make you cower like a tiny praying mantis about to be snatched up by the beak of a songbird cause no fear in me because I know with a simple snap I can be rid of that situation.

In short, I don't mind "cramped" boxes. It's a small price to pay for the ultimate freedom they give me. I know you'd agree if you had my privileged abilities.

As for your other question... why not a jester? Ah ha ha ha ha. Don't let my appearance fool you, as you wouldn't judge a book by its cover. I am always deadly serious.

Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of Crowds,

Dimentio

_Dear Dimentio: What are your pants made of? And do you wear boxers or briefs? o lulz_

_Love Chrissie~_

Dear Chrissie...

I find this to be quite the personal question. Before we proceed I have a question for you: Why do you wish to know?

Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of Crowds,

Dimentio

_Dear Mario,_

_What were you thinking and feeling when Tippi said she wanted to be near you?_

_From Cyndaquil255_

Dear Cyndaquil255,

Hmm, that's sort of a personal question! But I guess I don't mind. It was a little embarrassing, to be honest. But it was mostly very flattering. Before then I didn't realize how strong our friendship and bond was.

I suppose you could read into her statement more and assume she meant what she said in a more personal way. But since it's over and done, I don't think I want to read into it. Besides, she's got her sweetheart now. I think that's the most important thing, isn't it?

I really hope she's okay... But I'm sure she must be.

Your Friend,

Mario

_Dear Luvbi,_

_Why did you get so much joy out of teasing Mario and friends? Namely Tippi?_

_Or was that just you being you?_

_From Cyndaquil255_

My dearest Cyndaquil255,

Ahh, the answer to thy question is quite simple: because it is so easy! 'Tis rare that I get quite a reaction that is quite as perfect as the ones I saw in Tippi and the others.

The poor girl hath a hard time keeping her cool, nay?

Thy friend forever,

~~~~Luvbi~~~~

_I have a question for Luvbi...Why do you speak in a psuedo-Elizabethan_

_English style?_

_--The Yoshster_

My dearest Yoshster,

I know not what thou referest to! Mine manner of speech is quite normal. Mayhap it is you, good sir or madame, that speakest in an unusual way?

Thy friend forever,

~~~~Luvbi~~~~

zxaozx01


	5. Fourth Set of Questions

_Dear O'Chunks,_

_Hey, how's it going? So, how are you and Natashia?_

_From, Brandi_

Ey, Lassie,

Now, dont ye be gittin the rong idea ye here? Me an Nassy... Were jist buds! Chums! Frends! Hahaha...whativer wud make ya theenk utherwise, ye silly gurl?

Err, anyway... We ahh... we be doin jus fine, thenk ye.

CHUNKS AWAY!!!

_Dear Dimentio,_

_Hey, pleaser of crowds! So, on to the question. What do you think of Mimi? Is she someone who you can fight beside, or someone you can barely stand?_

_Just curious,_

_lovedove830_

Dear lovedove830,

"Hey" back to you, ah ha ha ha. I must confess I am asked this sort of question quite frequently... It is rather puzzling, I must say. Well, I suppose it must be answered.

It is not that I hate Mimi...I hate very few people in actuality, but rather feel rather sorry for their stupidity. I wish I could see what is so hard for them to understand how beneficial a new world, ruled by myself, would be! Yes, it would require destroying their own, but isn't that a small price to pay for such perfection?

But I digress. I would gladly allow Mimikins to fight by my side if the girl so desired, as my minion, of course. She, however, seems... Less than interested, shall we say? Ah ha ha ha.

Ciao!

Dimentio

_Dear Princess Peach,_

_Hello, your highness! I just wanted to say you are awesome, so the question...Is it hard to wear a dress when you're trying to save the world(s)? I mean, you never know when some goomba can be walking right under you when you're floating on that parasol and look up! Or do you wear shorts underneath?_

_Waiting a reply,_

_Brandi_

My dearest Brandi,

Why, thank you very much! I'm very flattered. You are awesome as well!

I must confess, it can be a bit difficult at times, but after wearing almost nothing other than dresses for so long, I have learned to get around quite efficiently, I think.

I do also wear bloomers underneath... Though that is just between us girls! Tee hee. They're quite comfortable and allow free movement.

Hugs & Kisses,

Princess Peach Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom

_Dear Bowser,_

_Hey, how's my favorite mario villian doing? So, just wanted to ask a simple question. After countless times of Mario blowing your castle(s) to bits, how do you manage to build them so quick? Let's not forget your 8 koopa kids._

_From a big fan,_

_lovedove830_

Yo, lovedove830!

Graaaah hah hah hah! My many, many, loyal but stupid minions help me (and by help me I mean they do all the work)! A simple answer for a simple question, right?

And don't worry about the brats. They've all got their own castles and minions.

Stay awesome, big fan!

Your awesome royal king,

King Bowser

_Dear Nastasia, if you had to choose between Dimentio and O'Chunks, which one would you pick and why, 'K thanks._

_--SilverKidia_

SilverKidia,

Um, ew. I'd think that's pretty obvious. Dimentio's, you know, a traitor and all, right? I mean, he's handsome I guess but I value loyalty above pretty much everything else. And the more you dislike someone, the less handsome they get, and since I hate Dimentio, he's not even handsome to me anymore, 'K?

And O'Chunks, well, he's not much to look at... And don't get any weird ideas, it's not like I like him or anything, 'K? Thanks... But he's definitely one of the most loyal people I know.

So yeah.

Nastasia


End file.
